A Stream of Consciousness

Be warned, this may not be the last post tonight...

So I've been writing out my thoughts and feelings over the past couple of weeks and I thought I would share it with anyone who can be bothered to sit through it. It's no Shakespeare, I just wrote what came to my head. And it's quite depressing so you've been warned...

K, so I’m feeling kinda weird right now. I just spoke to Kerri on MSN. Haven’t spoken to her properly since I got back from holiday we had a short convo earlier. We were having this normal convo and she asked me what I’d been up to. I said ‘nothing much, just skl stuff.’ Her reply was ‘Ha! Sorry I couldn’t resist!’ I thought this was kind of a weird reply I didn’t know what to say so I simple said ‘lol’ (the only way to reply when you don’t know what else to say.) Then she dropped the bombshell. ‘Oh yeah, I don’t think I told you, I’m not going back to skl’ I don’t know why this hit me but it did and it wasn’t that it was a shock. Having had it firmly in her mind that she wasn’t going back in June she changed her mind and said she was and I’d always thought well those thoughts can’t have just gone away. So I wasn’t shocked it was more that I felt that old feeling in my stomach that things have changed between me and her. We’re not as close as we used to be. Things she used to tell me she doesn’t anymore. Things she used to realise I was feeling she doesn’t anymore. I felt weird because we’d been talking for about 10/20 minutes and she was just telling me now. I’d have thought it would have been one of the first things. It would’ve been, if we’d’ve been having that conversation 3 years ago but now? Now it’s all so different. I feel like I’m in this rut. There’s Kerri on once side of this trench that I’m in and then there are my school friends. I don’t feel stuck in the middle I feel totally left out of both sides.